Daisys in Concord

Family Reunion

Before moving back to Austin, I took my parents to visit my grandparents. A family reunion of sorts. Yes I bought flowers, and set my parents urns up as if they were still alive and visiting my grandparents. I’m sure it was a sight to see at the cemetery. Honestly I couldn’t get a fuck.

Scoorge McDuck and Holidays of the Past

I’ve been through enough therapy to know that Holidays should be a fucking shit show for me. I mean it’s a popular trope that if you’ve lost someone your a mess around the holidays. Seth Rogan even made a movie about it. Ironically it came out the year my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I

Dead Parent Jokes Explained

I make a lot of Dead Parents jokes. Probably what some would consider an inappropriate amount. If there is an opportunity to make one, or reference the fact that I don’t have family in a funny way, then I’m gonna take it. At a job, shortly after my mom died, my manager mentioned our company’s

The Ever-Changing Nature of Grief

As I work through things I’m constantly surprised at what brings me comfort and what triggers me. It’s never what I expect and it changes constantly. When I was first diagnosed with depression, almost 14 years ago, I had to figure out what would trigger an episode and what my signs where. I then had

Dead Parents and A Ton of Baggage

A lot of my grief is tied to the idea that I wasted time. Maybe I shouldn’t have moved to Atlanta for a year, or Austin for two. I could’ve spent that first year and half in LA at home with my parents. Those handful of evenings when my mom was sick I spend on

The Kind of Human Wreckage That Ya Love

Two days ago it was the two year anniversary. I don’t really know how to feel, except that there is an emptiness without my Mom’s guidance. I’m not sure of the steps I’m making because I don’t have her to check in with. I wish the pain of all this was sharper or suffocating. But

One Week to Two Years

One week from today it will be two years. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that. How could it possible be two years since I heard my mother’s voice and held her hand? It all still feels so fresh. Back in January I started therapy. It had been about a year since I

Push Away The Unimaginable

If you spent anytime with my mom and I between June 2016 and September 2018 then you know we listened to Hamilton almost everyday. I discovered it first and told her she had to listen to it. She laughed, clearly thinking another History that she’ll encourage but never fully understand. Jokes on her, she became

Perception Is Not Reality

I’ve always been fascinated with how editing can change a photography. It changes the tone and intention. My mother use to always tell me that my perception is not everyone else’s reality. It was her way of telling me to be mindful of those around me. We edit ourselves to be okay, to look like