Family Reunion

Before moving back to Austin, I took my parents to visit my grandparents. A family reunion of sorts. Yes I bought flowers, and set my parents urns up as if they were still alive and visiting my grandparents. I’m sure it was a sight to see at the cemetery. Honestly I couldn’t get a fuck.

Dead Parents and A Ton of Baggage

A lot of my grief is tied to the idea that I wasted time. Maybe I shouldn’t have moved to Atlanta for a year, or Austin for two. I could’ve spent that first year and half in LA at home with my parents. Those handful of evenings when my mom was sick I spend on

The Kind of Human Wreckage That Ya Love

Two days ago it was the two year anniversary. I don’t really know how to feel, except that there is an emptiness without my Mom’s guidance. I’m not sure of the steps I’m making because I don’t have her to check in with. I wish the pain of all this was sharper or suffocating. But

Push Away The Unimaginable

If you spent anytime with my mom and I between June 2016 and September 2018 then you know we listened to Hamilton almost everyday. I discovered it first and told her she had to listen to it. She laughed, clearly thinking another History that she’ll encourage but never fully understand. Jokes on her, she became

Why doesn’t this day get easier?

I keep expecting Father’s Day to feel normal but looking back, since losing my dad this day just gets stranger.

Homesick In June

About every other day I think about packing up my entire apartment and moving back home. This isn’t a new feeling. I’ve written about it on here countless times. Does the current pandemic make it feel like I should be home with my family even more then before. Yes. None of this is helped by

An Unconventional And Highly Addictive Potato Salad

It might come as a surprise that no one in my family could really cook until my mom taught herself. My mom grew up with holiday dinners being church potlucks. I think that always drove her a little crazy and she wanted something different. Even so there were a few recipes from my moms family

Searching For Acceptance

Since I was a toddler I’ve been working to get validation from so many people. It came easy from my parents. They encouraged me to be whoever and whatever I needed. My mom was always the first person to read anything I wrote. Though she never wrote herself I trusted her opinion over all others.

Thanksgiving 2018…The first good days.

Being in quarantine has my mind reaching for memories. I keep going back to the good days of the last year and a half. Though it’s hard for me to say, I can admit that the last year and a half has been the worst of my life. However, I keep going back to the

Homesick While Finding a New Home

All my life I grew up hearing how lucky and spoiled I was to be an only child. I suppose they were right. I was spoiled with my parents attention and love. Our lives revolved around each other and were intertwined in a way that can not be undone. Deep down I know that one